DON T LET ANYONE TAKE YOUR SPARKLE PLUS

Tierra plasters on a smile, admitting that she’s never been more happy than in this moment. They end their shopping escapade with some impromptu dancing in the street in front of a parade of islanders. There’s a bag, matching shell necklaces and an infinity bracelet that symbolizes their never ending love. She quickly changes her tune when Sean starts buying her anything a street vendor is pedaling. Minutes in, she’s complaining about the heat, the mosquitoes and her parched throat. Tierra, being from Denver, would feel more comfortable at sea on a boat. Tierra finally gets the one-on-one she’s been waiting for and is immediately disappointed that her date card suggests they will be galavanting in St. Sean turns red, coughs a little and then decides to kiss her before she says it again. She punctuates the magical night by shouting, “I LOVE SEAN” into the ocean’s tides. Realizing that she doesn’t collect old pizza crusts in her spare time, Sean finds this childhood fact notable and doesn’t hold any ill will toward AshLee. She was married at 17 and divorced by 18. No, she does not have that weird addiction in which she eats fiberglass like it’s cotton candy as the very pregnant pause would lead one to believe. Later at dinner, AshLee confesses that she has a secret and then takes exactly 10 minutes to lead up to the horrific details of her adolescent youth. Sean becomes bored rehashing the drama and shuts AshLee up by kissing her “From Here to Eternity” style on the beach. When she meets your family, they will love her but when plans change, she’ll turn pouty.” Who you get is a completely different girl. She never wants to be a part of the group. Tell me about the house? I hear Tierra is quite the charmer.”ĪshLee looks him in the eyes. They make their way to a private island while Sean makes small talk. Well, Sean dog paddles as AshLee held on to his shoulders the entire time, which I found very odd. They ditch their clothes in the sand and swim out to the waiting catamaran. Yes! I’m rooting for you Ash! Hang in there! Remarkably, there were no blindfolded moments or tears of joy celebrating relinquished trust issues. I smile thinking, “If the 32-year-old is a cougar, then I’m the zebra carcass left behind on the Serengeti. Once out of earshot, Tierra calls her a cougar. She skips to her solo bedroom to get ready. He’s so thoughtful.ĪshLee is the lucky winner of the first one-on-one. The intern thoughtfully places it on an end table outside the door so Des doesn’t have to stoop to retrieve it. Sadly, Our Host Chris Harrison is already camped out on the VIP portion of the private beach and is unable to deliver the first date card. To quote Duane “The Rock” Johnson, “The People’s Eyebrow has spoken.” And I choose the smack dab middle of the general living area in our phat condo.” Tierra: “I refuse to share a room with someone who doesn’t like me. Lindsay and Des hug affectionately, Lesley and Catherine giggle and Tierra cocks an uncontrollable eyebrow that she’s just been stuck with old lady AshLee. They quickly begin pairing off, picking a bestie with whom they will share a bed. The ladies arrive at the Buccaneer Resort squealing with delight at all of the five star amenities available to them. However, if you or someone you linked on Twitter happen to personally know, sort of know, is friends with the nail stylist or bowing instructor of someone who is obsessed with the fictional life of Matthew Crawley like me and looks exactly like one of the contestants on the show…none of this is personal and I’m sure they are all lovely people. The following information you are about to read is of personal opinion.

Goodbye ubiquitous scarves and Ugg boots best suited for the cold, harsh Canadian Rockies! Hello Virgin Islands! Bring me your string bikini tops with bottoms that don’t match, billowing sarongs, colorful statement necklaces and shirtless Sean.

DON T LET ANYONE TAKE YOUR SPARKLE PLUS

In an unprecedented move, they allow all six of our bachelorettes, plus Sean, to board the same seaplane bound for St. It’s episode seven and ABC has apparently been forced to cut the budget due to all the emergency vehicles that have been dispatched this season.

Don t let anyone take your sparkle